父母該如何和青春期子女相處

時間：2021-03-24 09:00 閱讀：3387

青春期，父母該如何和子女相處？

很(hěn)多(duō)家長(cháng)說：孩子進入青春期後，脾氣越來越差，簡直是一點就爆，吓得父母都不敢靠近他(tā)們。

青春期的孩子雖然一口一個“不要你管”，但其實，他(tā)們比任何時候都更渴望被關注。

所以，父母不要因為(wèi)怕激怒孩子，而躲得遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)的，相反，要想辦(bàn)法多(duō)和孩子溝通，

畢竟青春期孩子的生理(lǐ)、心理(lǐ)、社交等方面，會有(yǒu)比以往更多(duō)的困惑，他(tā)們需要一個可(kě)靠的人來幫他(tā)們指點迷津。

下面将青春期分(fēn)為(wèi)三個階段，看看父母分(fēn)别該怎麽做？

第一階段：11-12歲

這個階段孩子的身體(tǐ)開始成熟，大部分(fēn)女孩已經發育，青春期開始徐徐拉開序幕。 應該說此時的孩子無論思維邏輯能(néng)力，還是對生活的掌控感，都處于較弱的時候。

孩子對父母的情感依賴也比較強，親子關系總體(tǐ)上比較平順。

此時，父母的任務(wù)是：對自己：轉變角色

父母的角色要轉變：從嚴厲的、居高臨下的權威，轉為(wèi)平和的、可(kě)信賴的盟友。

父母在這個階段轉變，傳達的是“愛”。

如果拖到下個階段再變，則傳達出的是“無奈”、"迎合”、“讨好”

所以，在青春期開始時，父母就要有(yǒu)意識的逐步轉變。

對孩子：訓練思維條理(lǐ)化、系統化

青春期之前，孩子可(kě)能(néng)隻顧眼前玩樂，但進入青春期後，孩子思想上最大的變化, 就是開始思考未來。

因此，訓練孩子思維上更條理(lǐ)化，更系統化，将讓他(tā)們對人生有(yǒu)更多(duō)的掌控感。

訓練方式：最簡單的就是整理(lǐ)自己的房間。

台灣著名(míng)作(zuò)家白先勇說過：一個人如果整理(lǐ)不好自己的房間，那麽他(tā)未來也不會有(yǒu)什麽大出息。

對孩子：培養權衡利弊，承擔責任

在青春期之前，孩子都聽父母的，但現在，父母要有(yǒu)意識地訓練孩子自己拿(ná)主意。

怎麽訓練?

首先，教給孩子任何事物(wù)都有(yǒu)兩面性;

其次，幫孩子看到兩面性的不同結果;

最後，在趨利避害的原則下做出選擇。

告訴孩子：選擇前，深思熟慮；選擇後，承擔風險。

如果孩子在這個階段學(xué)會了如何做決定，那麽在之後的青春期中(zhōng)，焦慮和煩惱就将大大減少。

第二階段：13-15歲

這個階段是青春期全面爆發的階段，也是父母最頭疼的階段，它的主要特征是一

激烈的情緒。

青春期情緒分(fēn)兩大類：

暴躁、抑郁

兩極化：一會兒非常好，一會兒非常糟。

至于原因，最主要是源于社交壓力。

人一生當中(zhōng)，社交壓力最大的就是這一段青春期了。

孩子們不再像小(xiǎo)學(xué)時，那樣有(yǒu)話直說，他(tā)們開始變得含蓄，特别是有(yǒu)些較早成熟的孩子，能(néng)玩轉各種社交暗示。

而較為(wèi)晚熟的孩子，則對此非常困擾、苦惱。

他(tā)們在意同伴的意見，卻又(yòu)無法準确把控，如果因此遭受孤立，更是讓他(tā)們抓狂。

于是回家後，在安(ān)全的環境下，就會“莫名(míng)其妙”發脾氣。

父母該怎麽做？

幫孩子分(fēn)析、解讀社交困惑

具(jù)體(tǐ)來說：

如果能(néng)了解孩子社交中(zhōng)遇到的具(jù)體(tǐ)問題，父母可(kě)以憑自己的經驗，給出建議。

如果孩子不肯說細節，那麽父母可(kě)以現身說洗，把自己的經曆告訴孩子，供孩子參考。                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

教給孩子一些抗壓的方法

抗壓方法有(yǒu)很(hěn)多(duō)，其中(zhōng)比較适合孩子的有(yǒu)：運動、呼吸、音樂、冥想、日記等等

給孩子無條件的接納

父母千萬不要對正在發脾氣的孩子說：“你這樣，當然沒人喜歡你！ ”之類的話，那隻會雪(xuě)上加霜。

父母應該給孩子無條件的接納，讓孩子在外面想起父母，就充滿了勇氣和力量，而 不是充滿了膽怯和恐懼。

第三階段：16-17歲

孩子身體(tǐ)日趨成熟、強壯，思維日益嚴密，社交也有(yǒu)一定掌控力，這個階段孩子最大的愛好是：冒險！

冒險有(yǒu)危險，孩子理(lǐ)智上完全清楚，但對強刺激的狂熱，讓他(tā)們對潛在危險的大大降低。

作(zuò)為(wèi)父母，孩子正常的社會實踐應該鼓勵，但對于冒險，應該予以正确引導。

父母可(kě)以這麽做:

從孩子朋友處入手

這個年齡的孩子特别容易受同伴的影響，如果他(tā)的朋友都是較為(wèi)理(lǐ)智的，那麽他(tā)也 會變得理(lǐ)智。

所以，密切留意孩子的交友動向，善待孩子的朋友，必要的時候可(kě)以借力幹預孩子 的想法。

給孩子足夠的溫情

溫暖的親子關系，會讓孩子在做冒險決定時，多(duō)一點牽挂，少一份沖動。

2015年有(yǒu)心理(lǐ)學(xué)家發表論文(wén)，闡述了對23名(míng)青春期少年進行追蹤觀察的結果。其中(zhōng)，即使15歲才開始與父母關系變得親密，這部分(fēn)青少年的冒險行為(wèi)仍将大大低于與 父母關系不親密的孩子。

而且，隻要後續親子關系沒有(yǒu)嚴重反彈，一般這種較為(wèi)平穩的狀态能(néng)持續到青春期結束。

青春期對孩子來說，就是回顧自己過去的童年時光，放下一些能(néng)放下的，然後裹挾着那些深刻印進心裏的東西，迎接屬于自己的人生。

青春期對父母來說，是修補之前十幾年育兒過程中(zhōng)的缺憾、漏洞，這是最後的機會，争取印進孩子心中(zhōng)的東西大部分(fēn)都是溫情與接納。

所以，青春期不該争鋒相對期，而應是相互珍惜的親子時光。